Making The Video # 1
The Most Hilarious Online Reviews of the Bible
Two of my favorites below:
The Holy Bible: King James Version (NKJV)
"I picked this up because I heard it advertised as the Gospel, which translates to "good news." It opens up by telling the reader how the human race is doomed because two poorly developed characters ate an apple that a snake told them to eat.
That’s not good news.
I can’t say I found much good news at all in this. It actually closes by telling us that the world is going to end, and how we should all be prepared.
I would not recommend this book to others. It does not deliver on many of its advertised promises, and features weak characters and archaic diction.”
Holy Bible (NIV)
"This book has it all. The author instigates or demands the amputation of women’s hands for helping to fend off their husband’s attackers; the slaughtering of children with a bear attack and by mass murder; genocide galore; human sacrifice and the threat of it; and killing an innocent on behalf of others to placate himself. It doesn’t take much to come to the conclusion that the author is one sick puppy with major issues, namely—he is a psychopath.
The author also claims to love all his children, but wow, he sure has a weird way of showing it. When my children disobey me, and I know they will, I almost never throw them out of the house into the street and place a curse on them and their children for all time. And I sure never nail gun them to the playroom wall…
But look, if you enjoy mass murder, institutionalized mass rape, incest, inexplicably hideous and laughable laws, talking snakes and donkeys, the destruction of pigs and fig trees, magic tricks, over one-hundred contradictions, the raving threats of co-author maniacs; are a fan of misogyny and mind control, irrational fixations on death, genitalia and sex, and endorse the complete rejection of science, reason, reality and intellect, and think you need this book to be moral … then this obscenity is right down your alley.”
(For the full list of 12 ‘Hilarious One-Star Bible Reviews’ visit the Englewood Review of Books)
The last one is actually the only one with real innuendo